by Vivianne Winters Israel

Post 0003

 

 

I internalized more than one important life lesson at this point in my author's journey: about avoidance while fretting over hard tasks, underestimating yourself, and a before unrealized state. I'm naming that state "pre-engagement overwhelm." I’ll tell you how it felt a bit later.

My author journey's is one segment of a larger, four-pronged Quest Project. Prior to the infamous "February," I planned to study current publishing industry practices--since my last time in the space; practice writing children’s fiction while studying the craft of fiction-writing, and read a great deal of children’s fiction. I'd start 'the business side' ... when it seemed "appropriate." Then write my stories using settings from international travels; the ‘research prong’ of my two-decades-long “Quest Project”.

 

Why “February” was a Big Deal: the Poetry, Facts, and Magic

The first of the year, I looked forward to May, when I would return to the Scottish Highlands to work on Castle Dunans, the setting for the first book in my children’s fiction series; working title, The Secret at Dunan’s Castle. The trip would be a grand treat, after the “annual drama” of my convoluted income tax preparation. It was the trip I didn’t take in May 2020, for obvious reasons.

I’d use the summer for house decluttering, to enter the fall with a clutter-free space to start learning how to author children’s fiction. I assumed I could go along my merry way without the need to set my work up as a business until further along... to a yet unidentified and nebulous point along my author's journey and overall Quest.

I held a vision of the trip to Scotland in my heart as I prepared for the traditional ‘annual trauma’ of February and early March; preparing everything for my complicated income tax return. Little did I know that this year’s annual trauma would include having a bomb dropped on me...
 

Allow me to introduce... “February”

Here are the facts:

My Discovery

In the first few days of February, I happened upon a Facebook ad for a publishing summit by women for women "The Women in Publishing Summit" Wow! Don't I wish that existed 'back in the day' while working on my first-ever, nonfiction, book. The publishing industry was largely “old-school” back in the late '80s; just shy of a male-only industry. This summit is what I needed to learn what’s current in the publishing industry. I need to attend this summit.

One Complication

The summit was scheduled for the first several days of March. A time when I’d be struggling--suffering--preparing for the meeting with my regular tax preparer. Add to my usual complex returns, that I invest tiny amounts across many cryptocurrencies, and the tax reporting becomes more complicated.

My tax preparer is amazing but wants nothing to do with figuring out “crypto” reconciliations. So, I must manage that part on my own, or hire specialized help, then give him the properly formatted results. I hire a tax attorney firm to manage the certain crypto transaction types, which have proved beyond my ability to format for the crypto tax accounting software I use.

February 1 ^st - I sent the documentation to the tax attorney firm in nested, strategically named files and folders for easy identification. Just as I had done the prior year. A few days later I happened across the Facebook ad for the Women in Publishing Summit. Could I spare four days of working on my taxes to give full attention to this Summit and still get my regular reports/numbers and crypto reports/numbers ready for my tax appointment?
 

The Bigger Complication

February 11 ^th - the tax attorney firm dropped a bomb on me. Almost two weeks after receiving my files and accepting the assignment, they now said they wouldn’t be able to start work on my files until mid-May. W-h-a-a-t!?! Start a month after the tax deadline?! Why didn’t they know this on February 1st?

What a nightmare. I must now manually enter over 400 teensy crypto transactions into my crypto tax software, from sources I can’t properly format. Two weeks, that I could have grappling through those transactions, now lost.

A devastating blow, even without attempting to add a four-day summit to the mix. This was the moment of “pre-engagement overwhelm”. It was visceral. I felt I was deep underwater, struggling against a large and powerful whirlpool, growing weaker and weaker, running out of breath, and fearing no escape.
 

The Rabbit Hole

Investing in cryptocurrencies requires separate reconciliation for your tax return. If you invest beyond the top several cryptos, Bitcoin, Ethereum, plus others, and use non-U.S. crypto exchanges, the reconciliation can become very complicated. My returns fall into that realm. The tax attorney firm I hired specializes in the crypto tax accounting software I use. They easily format the non-standardized spreadsheet files from the many international exchanges. The years I struggled with those transactions myself resulted in a frustrating mess, taking weeks to only partially resolve. The software company helped me in the past with what I couldn’t fix. But I couldn’t keep asking them to do so; I have far more of those transactions than in earlier years.

The software is a already a struggle for the transactions I can do. Imagine reconciling your bank statement. Now imagine that statement was ten times more complex; that you're reconciling across 20-plus sources, without a standardized format from those sources. Can you feel the overwhelm? This year, with eight times the number of “tough” transactions, I'm stuck struggling on my own, under a looming tax return deadline. This is modern-day torture.

Simply fabulous. "Say what!?!” Well, the subconscious mind treats anything it see or hears as truth. Why not use that “Jedi mind trick”? I need all the help I can muster. So, I’m saying this is simply fabulous, even if conscious me feels like I’m drowning.

You're probably wondering, “If this is so complicated, why do it? Because cryptocurrencies are a new asset class. New asset classes don't happen often, and it's only complicated for now. It will become much easier over the next few years. However, by the time it becomes easy, it will also be expensive. Compelled to seize the opportunity, I made many tiny investments across the new asset landscape, with knoweledgable direction of course. Time will do the rest.
 

End of Rabbit Hole

Ok. Out of the Rabbit Hole now and back on-topic... . Happening upon the ad for this summit was a significant discovery. But how could I focus on four full days of new information while struggling through deadline-dependent crypto calculations and reconciliations? Especially with the added tsunami of "tough" crypto transactions now dumped in my lap. It's a hot mess, which could take weeks to resolve, and is more time drained from the looming tax deadline.
 

Best-laid Plans

As I mentioned earlier, I planned to activate my new author's journey in the fall, after tax prep and the trip to Castle Dunans. Now, I’m in an unexpected mental maelstrom, whether to dive into my author’s journey seven months early! Anguish.
 

But wait! There’s More... Options, Strategy-surfing, and Warring Factions

Women in Publishing announced a free seminar coming up in a few days. Turns out they also provide a free training series for authors and independent publishers. I attended the free seminar training. The content was excellent, deeply explored, and led me to many other informative resources. Hmmm...

I could: use their free series for a year, then attend the full Summit next year. The Summit ad did say annual: research who hosts the summit, when it occurs, and schedule to attend next year. With a plan to have the crypto tax prep work managed beforehand, so it wouldn’t interfere. [At this point the Summit is two weeks away.]

I could start differently: begin studying popular middle-grade books and series and delay using the free training series until after I return from Scotland. But... do that for a year? Before studying the industry; having some direction on the best resources and best practices? Without direction on which books are most beneficial for genre and age-range research?

Nope. The summit would be that source of information and resources. Including what I don't know that I don’t know--the information which often makes the biggest difference.

But... how can I manage the Summit amongst so much tax prep drama?

But... the summit is what I need to learn how publishing has changed.

Argggh. This head vs. ‘gut’ tug-of-war continued for days.
 

Your Mission, Mr. Phelps, should you decide to accept it...

Throughout this ‘war,’ a not-so-little voice, an urging, persisted. A voice not in my head but in my “gut,” kept nudging me towards... do it NOW. Now is the time to begin. Yes, the summit will return next year, but you shouldn’t wait. Despite the tax struggles. Do it now.

In the end, "Gut" won out. I believed deeply that I needed to attend now. And the feeling was visceral; in the realm of ‘a knowing’: dig into my author's journey now. Don’t wait until next March. Despite the genuine concerns of potential overwhelm, I need to put the mental-pedal to the crypto-figuring metal and find a way.

After burning some serious ‘brain rubber,’ I found a way. Enter, the new tax prep plan: file for an extension; muster from my, traumatizing, crypto calculations, at least a tight ballpark value of crypto taxes owed; report that to my regular tax guy; submit my regular tax prep to him for a tight ballpark value owed on regular taxes. Add those two values together; add a ‘cushion’ of dollars to that total, for safety's sake. Send that amount in before the tax deadline. Then struggle through the hundreds of ‘tough’ transactions, after the conference. With this plan, I could be ready for the early March Summit THIS year.

Impressed with the outcome my "mental marathon," I registered for the Summit. I accepted the mission... and, in true Mission: Impossible style, the recording device that carried the mission information dissolved into a slow billowing of smoke. Really!  Ok. Busted... it was only in my mind. But after all that, I deserved the fantasy.

 

Is Your Obstacle ONE Mammoth Monster? ... or is it Really Made up of Multiple Pieces, or Processes?

My new tax plan did not materialize easily. I had believed the situation was beyond a solution which didn’t delay attending the summit, without becoming completely overwhelmed. Maybe I just couldn’t do both; too much in too short a time. Honestly, it was too much. It was too big. And, wait for it... then I saw it. The overwhelming monster obstacle was not the ONE mammoth obstacle my 'senses' reacted to. It was comprised of multiple pieces and processes. So, break that monster down; down into the few, or several, pieces/processes and examine those parts individually. Mentally shuffle them around to create possible paths through those, less overwhelming, components.

Finally, a path emerged which allowed me to both manage my tax obligations and not delay attending the summit. The tax work was still demanding and more than a little unnerving, but doable. As I started the dreaded task of entering those "tough" crypto transactions, I discovered something wonderful. They weren’t as horrific as before. They still lack standardization. But, at least more of the sources were identifying which time zone they were using, for these highly date and time specific transactions. That change made many of the transactions less traumatic. Thank goodness.
 

Light at the End of the Gauntlet

I had put my mind into unnecessary pre-engagement overwhelm. I assumed that those "tough" crypto transactions would be the daunting painful task it had been for the last six years. An honest mistake, but the assumption was wrong. That unexpected change saved me days of reconciliation drama; a welcomed surprise.

I thought the outcome I wanted could prove beyond my ability. But there was a solution; it required digging deeper than usual; deep enough to think differently. It required moving past what seemed beyond my desired outcome; it required, moving past underestimating myself.

The solution was on the other side of believing I had everything I needed within me. I could piece together what was necessary to bring my desired outcome from wish to reality.
 

The Poetry

Ahhh, “February” how do I explain thee? Let me count the ways...
You are the lightning strike, the abrading grit
The internal debate between heeding time-constructs and inner-knowing
The introspection, the second guessing
Then, once surrendered to,
The ‘lit fuse’ igniting an explosion of synchronicity

A bit ‘wax poetic,' but this discovery and the path to decision demanded an enormous mental, and emotional, workout. It became a crossroads moment.

Would the World have ended had I decided differently? No.
Would my world have ended had I decided differently? No. But the resulting path would be different.

If I hadn’t listened to my ‘gut’ and ‘found a way.’ If I’d waited until the following year, would the incredible synchronicities, which continue to occur, have happened? I may never know. But as difficult as that mind-wrenching, heart-twisting experience was, the results continue to far outweigh the effort of the struggle: elevated resolve for my journey, reduced instances of procrastination (I can't tell you how long I've been working at that), and greater confidence. I am capable of this calling; capable of becoming an effective author of children’s fiction.
 

There's a range of possibilities for crossroads decisions; for any decision:

• a worst decision
• a weak or known-to-be-flawed decision
• lukewarm
• a might-be-good
• better (potential multiples in this sub-range)
• a best decision.

Add to that:

• taking the easiest path
• taking a path of lesser resistance
• exploring the options/alternatives, lightly
• investigating all known options/alternatives, deeply
• the “California or BUST” tactic / aka full-steam ahead (with or without full, or any, information/exploration)

Yet another consideration: which decision could best serve all facets of your life? 

And finally, consider: the resistance to making any decision, without realizing that IS a decision.

Which decision will best serve you?

 

The Take-away

I emerged from that chaos empowered. Empowered by the choice to continue digging deeper, and deeper, within myself; to cook-up a way to make it all happen, within the existing deadline, and de-fuse the suffocating overwhelm. I believe that reveals a core issue to consider when faced with difficult, even overwhelming circumstances. If you underestimate your ability to craft-out a better solution. If you “give in”, will you feel empowered, or happy, on the other side of that decision? I would speculate, the answer would be "no".

Can you? Will you make a pact with yourself now? When you come to such a circumstance, that you will gift yourself this action: however huge any approaching wave of overwhelm appears, I will not underestimate myself. I will look inside myself, deeply, if needed, for a solution. I’ll ask, is that one massive problem? Or a compilation of some smaller pieces or processes I could break down to find a solution? I will continue to dig deep to devise a path through, around, or even surf over the top of that overwhelm, continuing toward my desired result.

 

What About the Magic?

I didn't forget the magic; it’s one of the best parts. This wasn't a planned cliffhanger, but this post is already too long. I’ll leave you to ponder on the facts, the poetry, and save the magic for the next post. Please forgive me.

 

Introducing... the Author's Toolbox

I've learned of and happened across many great tools, books, and other resources. Even at these first steps on my author's journey. It's only right to include how my readers can learn more about those resources. However, including resource information within the body of the post is distracting. I may also create a resource page in the website, in the future. But I believe those who are interested, would be best served having the information for a resource close to the point where they learned about it. 

When a tool, book, or other resource is mentioned in a post, or responsible for a learning, adopted process, etc., I will include an "Author's Toolbox". A textbox at the bottom of the post to house that information. This is the first post featuring an "Author's Toolbox". Fitting that it would include the resource that caused all the commotion of starting my author's journey seven months early. An event I plan to attend for years to come. Yes, I am talking about the Women in Publishing Summit; a real-life "golden goose."
 

 

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Author's Toolbox

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